Proven Results Oriented Approach To Healing After The Devastation Of Infidelity With Lasting Positive Effects
Proven Results Oriented Approach To Healing After The Devastation Of Infidelity With Lasting Positive Effects
You've Tried A Bunch of Things...
You've Tried A Bunch of Things...
  • Talking About It
  • Not Talking About It
  • ​Reading Articles
  • ​Talking To Family or Friends
  • ​Talking To Your Pastor 
  • Talking About It
  • Not Talking About It
  • ​Reading Articles
  • ​Talking To Family or Friends
  • ​Talking To Your Pastor 
But Nothing Has Worked....Here's What You're Missing...
But Nothing Has Worked....Here's What You're Missing...
Why Nothing Has Worked For You So Far....
The reason nothing has worked is because you've been missing several key components.

1. An approach that has evidence that is validated by 3rd party researchers showing that the methods are working.  And is effective long term.  Not just an opinion...facts.

2. An expertise in affair recovery that has been tested over thousands of couples.  We don't just speak about it to couples in 144 different countries.  We work with couples every day who need help healing after such a tragedy. 

We are able to achieve lasting change in a couple relationship where both people show up.
Does This Sound Like Your Relationship?...
  • You didn't feel close before the affair, maybe you've felt like roommates for a while?
  • Maybe you argued before the affair, OR a lot of couples don't argue...they simply avoid issues.
  • Does your spouse seem like a different person than who you married? 
  • It's hard to share feelings, wants, or needs?
  • Maybe one of you or both of you have been unfaithful?
  • Maybe you've found your partner posting inappropriate ads on craigslist or looking up old flings on Facebook?
  • Did you find alarming text messages or suggestive selfies?
  • Maybe someone called you to report suspicious behavior by your spouse when you weren't around?
  • Did you walk in on them having an affair, discover disturbing e-mails, or a suspicious phone bill?
These are just a few scenarios.  Did you know there are 10 different types of affairs that require a unique approach?
For the Betrayed 
  • Have you discovered your spouse with someone else?
  • Maybe you don't think it's an affair yet, but the fact that they are talking to someone else really bothers you and makes you feel uneasy?
  • Do you feel 'crazy' emotions are all over the map?
  • Maybe you have nightmares and you can't get the thoughts of what is happening out of your mind?
  • Do you have a huge list of questions to ask like, "How can I know this won't happen again?" or "Why?" or "Do you love me, or do you love them?"
  • Do you hate that you feel like an interrogator but every time they give you new information it feels like you have one more piece of the puzzle?
  • Do you feel like every time you get new information it's like you relive the pain all over again like it was yesterday?
For the Betrayer
  • Does it feel hopeless, like nothing you say will make things better?
  • Does it seem like your partner is going crazy because one minute they want to save the relationship and the next minute your stuff is on the lawn?
  • Do you feel an intense about of shame about what you've done and you want to see if there is anyway you can fix things?
  • Do you feel confused because you haven't had sex with anyone and yet your spouse still thinks it's cheating?
  • Do they ask the same questions over and over again and it feels like an interrogation?
  • Do you feel like if you told them everything they might leave you or have a melt down so you try to trickle the truth to manage the pain?
  • Do you wonder why forgiveness doesn't seem to fix the problems? They said they forgive you but they just don't let it go.
Betrayal Is Traumatizing.  No One Just "Gets Over It" Without Help.
In fact, there's a natural traumatic stress response. 

It can feel impossible to calm the nerves.  But we can show you how.  Your fight-or-flight mode is probably on over drive. 

It's hard to know if it will happen again.  It's impossible to forgive and forget until you get help.

Even if you "drop it" and try to move on it will come back later. It can't be swept under the rug. It will come up even 20 years later when you try to get close.  It's so hard to have the same level of trust or intimacy you once had...without healing with competent guide.
Our Approach Is Very Different Here's Why...
The counseling community is kind of like the medical community but also quite different.  

Doctors go to medical school and when they come out if they want to be a pediatrist, OBGYN, or cardiologist they have to have specialized training before they ever cut you open, right? It's their legal duty.

Well in the relationship help industry there are two extremes, on one hand there are relationship coaches who are not required to have any training, education, or license...so literally anyone can call themselves a coach without any training or verified skills.

Then there are professional counselors/therapists like us who have degrees, supervision, continuing education, licenses, and we're governed by the stateThere's quality control for therapists/counselors.

But what the state says is "if you don't FEEL like you can help them, then you should refer them out"...but counselors are wonderful people who want to help. They also need clients, and they don't know what they don't know...so they don't always refer out when they need to.

The average counselor doesn't focus.  They will see kids, teenagers, families, 10 different individual issues and then they sort of stick two people in a room and call it couples counseling. They try to do the same thing to help couples as they do with every other issue that walks into their office. 

That is why we decided to focus on one thing. Therapists become jack of all trades and are not able to acquire the training and skill set necessary to really help couples succeed and succeed long term.
Exclusively focused on helping couples and individuals heal and save their relationship.
Before the affair happened there was a negative cycle (that I will explain in the next video). Now that the affair is discovered couples try to heal from this injury to the relationship with the same old negative cycle.

The last thing you want is to leave counseling and just go back to the same old patterns and habits you had before you came to counseling.  

You want it to work, right? That's why you pay us money and we devote all of our time to you. Because you want this to solve your relationship concerns.  

We know that the research surrounding our methods show that 90% of the couples maintain their improvement even 3 years after they finish.

So our couples get better and STAY better.
We are the best reviewed couples therapists.
We get LASTING results. You see a difference very early on if you follow our plan.  You have the power to increase your success exponentially.

We have successfully helped thousands of couples and individuals save their relationship and heal from broken trust. 

=> If you want to be able to communicate with your spouse in a way that feels like they really get you
=> If you want to trust each other with the deepest part of your heart so you can relax again, 
=> Feel close emotionally and physically and feel deeply madly in love with each other again...we can help you!
Many People Find It Comforting to Know Exactly How We Help & What To Expect...We Also Find That Our Couples Are More Successful When They Are Educated On The Process
Most couples, wonderful couples who love each other, very much like you guys, get caught in negative cycles.  Negative cycles are rigid patterns of interaction that keep you from communicating, trusting each other, and feeling close emotionally.  

Something will trigger a primary vulnerable feeling like sadness, hurt, fear, or feeling not good enough or unworthy. But we don't know how to share that with our partner, sometimes we think we are sharing it but it doesn't land well, or sometimes we don't even know that we are feeling these emotions. 

Emotion moves 2.5x faster than logical thought....so we feel long before we think or can act logically.

Instead of these true feelings, we put up defenses. These are secondary defenses like anger, criticism, defensiveness, avoidance, we shut down, pull away, or get quiet.

So our partner doesn't see that we're really hurting, afraid, or sad, they just see anger or avoidance.So they too will feel a primary vulnerable emotion like hurt, sadness, or fear; but they put up their defense and might get angry or avoid.

We get caught in these cycles and we never really have a chance to experience each other at a deeper emotional level. We never have a chance to really understand each other or communicate in a way that makes us feel validated, accepted, or heard.
If Left Alone The Consequences Can Be Devastating!
Over time if we leave these negative cycles alone the distance will grow between you. When we're stuck in a negative cycle we hurt each other, and we keep hurting each other because we're stuck in a negative cycle.

You might fight or argue about little things or you might not fight at all, you might avoid conflict like the plague, but you may not really feel close. Many people feel that they're always walking on egg shells and not wanting to cause a rift in the relationship...but every once in a while we hit a nerve and trigger a huge negative cycle.

Sometimes if this cycle goes on for too long we look outside of the marriage for the support we need. We begin to feel like roommates with our spouse and many people hear things like "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore".

Does this sound like you guys? You are certainly not alone!
What You Can Do to Expedite Change In Your Relationship
Of course couples counseling with the right help is a great way to heal your relationship. The research shows that 75-80% of couples need about 15-20 hours with the methods we use. Some couples need less time and others need more. The length of time depends on a number of factors including:
  • ​How you respond to treatment
  •  How open to the process you are
  •  If there has been major trauma in the relationship or in your past then you may need more time
  •  If you choose week to week counseling it is important to come consistently. This means ideally you come every week. We have a few options available if you travel or something prevents you from being able to come every week...we'll share more in a minute...You're learning new things and when couples skip a week they typically re-escalate and fall back into old habits. Many times this can be discouraging and may seem like counseling isn't working but truly it's because you skipped a week. So come consistently every week until you're therapist says you've graduated.
  •  The length of the sessions are really important. Most therapist try to use the same methods for couples that they use for individuals or others. This means that they'll see you for 45-60 minutes. But with couples you need more time. By the time you get to the roots of the issues it's time to go. So we recommend doing at least 2-3 hours each week if you can. Now if every once in a while you can only do 1 hour...it's better to do 1 hour than it is to skip.
Do You Travel a Lot or Have a Crazy Schedule?
You certainly are not alone. We see a lot of couples who travel and are hardly at home. Some couples travel for work or have a hard time making it every week. If this is you we offer Relationship Retreats on Saturday. These retreats are super helpful.

They are just one couple and one therapist and they are a full day on a Saturday. If you are interested in this let us know when we talk over the phone.
What Does the First Weekly Session Look Like?
2 hours weekly or 6 hour intensive retreats are ideal. 

When we meet the first time we do a few things:

=> Begin to track where you guys are getting stuck communicating, trusting, and feeling close.
=> Get to know your history. 
=> Assess your negative cycle and what's keeping it going. 
=> Sometimes (not always) we do individual interviews to get both perspectives.

During this time we usually explain what to expect and how counseling or coaching will work in your situation.
What You Get With Us That No One Else Provides:
Expert Care
We have trained with the best couple's therapists from around the world.  When couples finish with us we see 86%-90% success.  This means couples feel close and they stay close.
Specialized Care
We refuse to compromise on quality. 

While most everyone else sees every issue under the sun, we are one of the only places that just focuses on helping couples heal and save their relationship. 

It takes hundreds of hours and complete dedication to provide the very best to you.  As a result we have helped thousands of couples successfully turn around situations that have seemed impossible to everyone but us.
A Real Plan
We know what success looks like and we can show you how to be that rogue couple that refuses to simply exist in your relationship. 

We provide unique advice for each couple that we meet.  Our work is based on decades of research and thousands of hours of training.  But there are a few common truths that you will find here, 

1. We are pro-marriage. This means we will not recommend separation because we believe that if you are coming here you'd like to explore saving your relationship. We know that not every couple decides to stay together. But that is not our decision to make. The only time we recommend separation is when someone's life is in danger.

2. We do professional counseling. While many pastors and churches refer their parishioners to us, we leave the sermons to the pastors and the pastors leave the couples counseling to us. We will never give you weird advice or advice that contradicts your faith in any way.

3. We provide materials and resources for you. Some materials are books you can purchase and some are things we just create in house and provide to you as a part of your time with us. Everything you need can be found in your sessions here with us. So the outside materials really only act as supplements to counseling.
Longterm Results
IOur couples get better AND stay better. That is why you come for help, right? It only makes sense. It makes sense that you would expect your couples counselor or coach to provide you with the tools that will last.  

Unfortunately, the tools are only as good as the therapist is at using them. If you think about it, if the therapist can't use the methods that work then how can they help you learn to use them?  

Not all therapists have the same training and not all therapists are able to help with your relationship issues. That is important to consider.
The Average Therapist vs. Our Therapists
Our Competitors:
1. Sometimes has the appropriate degrees 

2. School mandated internship with another licensed therapist

3. Has a state issued license to counsel

4. Required by the state to do continuing education

5. Does state required supervision before fully licensed
Our Therapists Training Requirements:
1. Always has the appropriate degrees 

2. School mandated internship with another licensed therapist

3. Has a state issued license to counsel

4. Required by the state to do continuing education

5. Does state required supervision before fully licensed

6. They are interviewed 3-5x - by us, a trusted advisor, and a past client.  

7. We require our therapists to travel to an externship for EFT, TFT, and EMDR

8. We require monthly trainings with our colleagues around the U.S., 1-on-1 internal & external supervision weekly, and training in the methods we've created.

9. Each therapist is required to submit footage of their skills in action to us and a select committee of colleagues to make sure we are all progressing and providing the best care. 

10. We travel all over the country and train with the best MARRIAGE therapists in the U.S. and Canada for our continuing education outside of what is mandated by the state.
How Does Insurance Work?
You pay us up front for care (pay as you go with debit, credit, HSA, cash, paypal credit, or check)

Here are the steps to getting reimbursed:
1. Ask your therapist for a Superbill (coaching isn't covered by insurance)

2. Send the Superbill to your insurance for reimbursement

Reimbursements vary in amount and time it takes to receive it.  Call your insurance provider for details.
How Does Coaching Work?
When you book your 1-on-1 coaching appointment you will receive a confirmation e-mail.  In the e-mail you will receive a link to the zoom.us meeting room.  

1. At the time of your appointment click the link.  
2. You will enter a waiting room online.  
3. When your therapist or coach finishes the appointment before yours they will add you to the meeting room and your appointment will start.

Insurance does not usually cover coaching.  If you live outside of Oklahoma and you do not travel to our offices in Oklahoma then the appointment is coaching.

You can email help@tulsamarriagesolutions.com or call 918-281-6060 with any further questions.
How Does The Payment Plan Work?
We have partnered with PayPal Credit to provide a payment plan.  PayPal Credit is like a credit card but there is no payment or interest for 6 months.

Here's how to sign up:


2. Apply for the line of credit - it takes about 3 minutes

3. When you book your appointment with the link at the bottom of this page choose PayPal at check out

4. Apply the credit that should show up in your account to the appointment

If you ever need to send payment for an appointment in the future you can send payment to familyandlifesolutions@gmail.com
What Is The Schedule Like?
Each therapist has a different schedule. We typically get started at 9AM and finish about 6-7PM M-TH and 6PM Friday.

Q: What if I have a trip coming up, or I am not sure I can commit to coming every week? Should I wait until after I get back from the trip and my calendar is clear to set our first appointment?

No.  For most couples it is crucial for you to start as soon as possible. 

You don't always know how checked out of the relationship your partner truly is....probably because communication has not been good lately as it is. If they just said yes to counseling, and then you wait to set an appointment, you could seriously be in trouble.  It's best to get started and then work out the schedule later.

Q: What if I have more questions?

Our office phone is answered & calls are returned by our Client Care Coordinators Monday-Friday between 9PM-6PM CST. 918-281-6060.  If you would like a phone call with your coach/therapist you must set an appointment.

Q: Is there anything available other then week to week appointments?
We have single couples full day retreats available Monday-Saturday. If you are interested in a retreat it is good to do one early in the process. 

Time is extremely limited as we are the only practice in our state just focused on couples. 
How Long Are Weekly Sessions?
We recommend every couple comes weekly for at least 2 or 6 hours.

The overall length of counseling depends on the couple and the individuals in the relationship. Most couples need about 15 sessions.

Remember that every couple is different.
Can I Or My Partner Come Alone?
Yes. 

There's a lot that you can do with a marriage friendly therapist.  Marriage friendly means that we know that there are two sides to every relationship.

One person's perspective isn't the full story.  We don't encourage divorce.


We work really hard to make sure that both people are accepted, included, heard, and don't feel ganged up on. 

When one person comes to couples counseling without their partner at the very beginning of counseling many times the person not present doesn't have the chance to share their perspective. it is crucial for the therapist to hear both sides.  

Choose a good time that might work for them and tell them you will be there and ask them to show up. Many times they do show up. Worse case scenario, you come and learn a TON for yourself.

Quick Recap...

  • Most couples need 15 sessions - 2 hour appointments or a retreat plus some follow up
  • ​We see an 86-90% success rate...couples feel better and stay better
  • ​Come to Oklahoma or meet virtually...both are welcome and effective!
*Multiple days are available by calling 
918-281-6060