The difference between fantasy love and true love isn’t always obvious in the moment. That’s why we laid it out, side by side. Twenty ways to see what’s real, and what just feels real—for now.

One of the most heartbreaking things we hear from betrayed spouses is,

“They say they’ve never felt this way before.

That they think the affair partner is their soulmate.

How do I compete with that?”

It’s devastating. But it’s also not uncommon. Many affairs, especially emotionally charged ones, are driven by a powerful experience called limerence. It’s a form of obsessive, addictive love that creates a kind of emotional high—what some call love sickness. For many unfaithful spouses, the affair begins as a connection or friendship, but then quickly transforms into an intense, all-consuming attachment that feels impossible to walk away from.

Often, that intensity is compared to the quieter, steadier love they feel toward their spouse—what researchers call companionship love. And because limerence feels more “alive,” more urgent, they mistake it for the real thing.

But here’s the truth: limerence is not real love. And companionship love—though less flashy—is more stable, meaningful, and capable of lasting a lifetime. We’re going to break both down in the following sections ahead.