It starts, like most catastrophes, with something that feels amazing. A spark. A glance. A conversation that lands just right. And suddenly, someone who once felt invisible is now seen. Alive. Wanted. This is how limerence makes its entrance—not like a wrecking ball, but like a promise. The kind that makes you second-guess everything you thought you knew about love. But what feels like destiny is often just dopamine. What looks like truth is really a trick of the light. And meanwhile, the real thing—the steady, committed, quietly remarkable love built on years of history—starts to look dull by comparison. But is it really dull? Or is it just...real? The difference between fantasy love and true love isn’t always obvious in the moment. That’s why we laid it out, side by side. Twenty ways to see what’s real, and what just feels real—for now.
Limerence is the emotional equivalent of a sugar high—intense, consuming, and often mistaken for the real thing. It’s built on fantasy, infatuation. It thrives in secrecy, uncertainty, and emotional intensity, which is why it shows up so often in affairs. In contrast, companionship love is the steady, grounded kind of love that builds over time through shared experiences, trust, and mutual care. It may not feel as dramatic, but it’s the kind of love that stays. The kind that shows up when life gets hard. To help you clearly see the difference between the fantasy of limerence and the reality of true, lasting love, here are 20 key distinctions.
To have a more comprehensive understanding of true love and limerence click here.
To better understand why companionship love is worth protecting and nurturing, here’s a clear comparison between true love and limerence:
Foundation: True love is built on mutual commitment, trust, and shared values; limerence is driven by intense attraction and fantasy.
Duration: True love grows and endures over time; limerence is temporary, typically fading within months or a few years.
Focus: True love prioritizes the partner’s well-being; limerence fixates on personal emotional highs and validation.
Stability: True love fosters emotional stability; limerence creates emotional volatility, with extreme highs and lows.
Reciprocity: True love involves mutual effort and care; limerence can be one-sided, thriving on idealized perceptions.
Reality vs. Fantasy: True love accepts a partner’s flaws; limerence idealizes the other, ignoring imperfections.
Selflessness: True love involves sacrifice for the partner’s happiness; limerence is self-focused, seeking personal fulfillment.
Depth: True love encompasses emotional, intellectual, and physical connection; limerence is primarily emotional and obsessive.
Security: True love builds trust and security; limerence breeds insecurity and fear of rejection.
Control: True love respects boundaries and autonomy; limerence feels uncontrollable, like an addiction.
Growth: True love encourages personal and mutual growth; limerence stagnates, consumed by fixation.
Clarity: True love allows rational decision-making; limerence clouds judgment with obsessive thoughts.
Consistency: True love is steady through challenges; limerence fluctuates based on the other’s attention.
Intimacy: True love deepens through shared experiences; limerence thrives on longing and distance.
Respect: True love honors the partner as an equal; limerence places the other on a pedestal.
Conflict Resolution: True love works through conflicts constructively; limerence avoids conflict to preserve the fantasy.
Independence: True love supports individual identities; limerence seeks to “merge” or lose oneself in the other.
Motivation: True love is motivated by care and commitment; limerence is driven by a need for validation or escape.
Long-Term Vision: True love plans a shared future; limerence focuses on the present emotional rush.
Outcome: True love often leads to lasting partnership; limerence fades, leaving regret or disillusionment if acted upon.
These differences aren’t just theoretical—they show up in real relationships, especially during infidelity. And they explain why many people feel confused, torn, or devastated when they mistake limerence for love.
To learn more about limerence and companionship love go here.
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