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Finding Motivation to Continue When You Feel None

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In behavioral economics, there’s a phenomenon called the “expectancy effect.”

You expect something to work, and—surprise—it’s more likely to.

Not because the thing itself changed, but because you did. Your behavior adapts.

You show up differently. You make different choices, even in the smallest moments.

And those small moments—those are the ones that quietly bend the arc of a life.

Now apply that to a marriage sitting in the wreckage of an affair.

You’ve got two people—shell-shocked, arms crossed, emotionally bleeding out.

Trust is in the negative.

Intimacy feels like a distant planet.

Every look is loaded, every silence says more than words ever could.

But then something small happens.

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7 Stages of Affair Recovery: Healing Infidelity, Overcoming Trauma, and Rebuilding Your Marriage

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Affair recovery is a process that unfolds in stages, and healing requires successfully navigating each one—you can’t skip ahead.

That said, these stages aren’t always linear; you might find yourself working through multiple stages at once.

Our goal was to map out what couples naturally experience, offering a clear roadmap to recovery and showing that healing is possible.

To make this journey even clearer, we’ve woven in research from leading experts and real-life stories—snapshots of couples who’ve walked this path, illuminating each stage with both science and experience.

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Healing Broken Trust: Overcoming Affair Trauma, Repairing Infidelity, and Rebuilding Your Marriage with the Triangle Approach

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Affairs cut deep. They rattle you to your core.

If you’ve been betrayed, you’ve likely felt a gut-wrenching pain, a heavy sadness, and maybe even a piece of yourself slipping away.

It’s not just the loss of trust in your spouse—it can make you question everyone.

And then there’s the maddening part: despite the betrayal, you might still love them. That’s a tangle of emotions—wanting to turn to the one person you always leaned on for comfort, only to realize they’re the source of your hurt.

For the one who broke trust—the betrayer—the pain is different but real. Shame, sorrow, and regret often weigh them down.

Maybe they felt lost, unseen, or unheard in the relationship before the affair, and now they’re grappling with their own mess, even as the one who caused it.

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You Said The Affair Was Over. Here’s Why It Still Isn’t

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I’ve worked with couples on the brink of collapse—some literally sitting in separate chairs in my office, not making eye contact, hands clenched, one foot already halfway out the door.

And I’ve seen what happens when someone says, “I’ve ended the affair,” but hasn’t really ended it.

The truth?

Most people don’t need help deciding whether they should end an affair.

They need help staying done.

That’s the part no one talks about.

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Surviving the Holidays After an Affair: Infidelity Recovery Tips

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This guide will walk you through the hidden pain of navigating the holidays after an affair—why this season hits harder than most, and what you can do to make it through with grace, boundaries, and hope.

Whether you're the one who was betrayed or the one who broke the trust, we'll cover why the holidays are uniquely triggering, how to manage family dynamics (especially when others feel betrayed too), and how to move through events as a couple—even if things still feel broken.

Expect real stories, practical tools, and ways to reconnect to your own strength, even in the mess.

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Why Did My Spouse Cheat?

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Why did they do it?” is a question I’m asked all the time.

Clients and those in our affair recovery programs ask because they need the world to make sense again.

They’re trying to rebuild some version of reality that you can live with. And at the center of it is that question—not just about what happened, but about who they are, who their spouse is, and whether the life they built with their spouse ever really existed in the first place.

Podcast Downloads Available HERE