“Pre-assurance” — offering reassurance before your partner is triggered, is a proactive way to help them feel emotionally safe. It communicates awareness, care, and emotional leadership, especially after betrayal. It's one of the most compassionate things an unfaithful partner can do to rebuild trust.
You can remember it like this:
“I see you. I’m here. You matter.”
Any version of that, in word, tone, action, or affection, offers safety before the fear can set in.
Use Gentle Physical Affection (If Welcome)
Sometimes just holding their hand, offering a hug, or sitting near them without pressure says:
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Physical presence, when safe and consensual, is a direct way to soothe nervous system reactivity — especially in the early hours.
Here are practical examples of how to offer pre-assurance across different common triggering situations:
1. Before Holidays or Anniversaries (Triggers of Pain or Comparison)
“I know holidays might stir up hard feelings. I want you to know I’m focused on being emotionally present with you and making sure we create moments that feel safe and meaningful, on your terms.”
Anticipates the emotional weight of “big days” and emphasizes emotional connection over performance or perfection.
2. Before a Social Gathering (Especially with People Who Knew About the Affair or Are Associated with the Past)
“If anything about tonight feels off or uncomfortable for you, just give me a look or a signal. I’ll be right there with you, your comfort is my priority.”
Gives the betrayed partner control and protection in unpredictable settings, where shame or exposure might spike.
3. Before Going Out (Trigger: ‘You used to lie when you went out’)
“Before I leave, I just want you to know exactly where I’ll be and who I’m with. If you ever need to check in, I welcome it, not because you should trust me yet, but because I want to earn it.”
Preempts suspicion, offers transparency without being asked, and normalizes trust-building as a process.
4. Before Intimacy or a Romantic Date (Trigger: Feeling Unsafe or Used)
“I know being close like this can bring up mixed emotions. You never have to pretend with me. If anything starts to feel unsafe or confusing, just tell me, and we can stop or shift in whatever way you need.”
Respects emotional and physical safety while promoting openness instead of pressure.
5. Before Discussing the Affair or Attending Therapy (Trigger: Reopening Wounds)
“This is hard to talk about, and I want you to know I’m committed to hearing whatever you need to share, even if it hurts. I’ll do my best to stay grounded and not get defensive, because your feelings matters.”
Signals readiness and accountability. It also reassures them they won’t be punished for their emotions.
6. Before Using Technology (Trigger: Phones, Texting, Social Media)
“I’m going to be on my phone for a bit, just so you know, it’s for [reason]. I can share what I’m doing if that helps you feel more at ease.”
Turns a potentially suspicious action into an opportunity to show transparency and respect for their trauma.
7. Before Traveling or Going on a Trip Alone
“I realize travel can be triggering, not knowing where I am, who I’m with. I’ll keep you updated regularly. And if anything feels off or concerning, I want you to tell me right away so I can address it.”
Replaces secrecy with structure and offers continual reassurance.
8. Before a Milestone or “First Time Since…” Moment
“This is our first [event/date/holiday] since everything happened. I’ve been thinking about how hard that might be for you. If there's any way I can make today feel easier, safer, or more comforting, please let me know, I want to be here in the way you need.”
Names the elephant in the room and builds trust through presence, not avoidance.
Pre-assurance works because it:
Anticipates fear instead of reacting to it.
Proves you are emotionally attuned.
Builds a new track record of reliability.
One Simple Script You Can Adapt Anywhere:
“I’ve been thinking about how this moment might feel for you. I want you to know I’m here, I’ve got you, and you can lean on me if anything comes up. We’re in this together.”
Offering Pre-assurance in the Morning
Offering pre-assurance in the morning can be a powerful way to set the emotional tone for the day, especially for a betrayed spouse who may wake up with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or emotional flashbacks. Mornings often trigger insecurity because they are moments of re-entry into reality, especially after nights filled with dreams, nightmares, or poor sleep (common trauma responses).
Here are ways an unfaithful partner can offer pre-assurance in the morning, using simple, trauma-informed language:
Morning Pre-Assurance Examples
1. Start the Day With Emotional Presence
“Good morning. I know mornings can be hard sometimes. I’m really glad we’re together, and I want to make today feel as safe and steady as possible for you.”
It acknowledges the emotional weight of the day without requiring the betrayed spouse to initiate that conversation. It’s proactive care.
2. Validate Their Reality, Gently
“If you woke up feeling heavy or anxious, I understand. You don’t have to pretend. I want you to know I’m thinking about you and I’m here.”
Normalizes emotional triggers and makes it easier for them to be honest about their pain instead of hiding it.
3. Offer a Clear Plan for the Day
“Here’s what I’ve got going on today… I’ll text you at lunch like we talked about. I’ll be thinking of you.”
Betrayed partners often feel unsafe when things feel vague. Predictability builds safety.
4. Invite Their Voice
“Is there anything I can do today that would help you feel more supported or reassured?”
Puts them in control of their needs without pressuring them to figure it all out themselves.
5. Use Gentle Physical Affection (If Welcome)
Sometimes just holding their hand, offering a hug, or sitting near them without pressure says:
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Physical presence, when safe and consensual, is a direct way to soothe nervous system reactivity — especially in the early hours.
6. Offer a Ritual of Safety
Develop a morning ritual that symbolizes stability, like:
Making their coffee/tea just the way they like it.
Leaving a note or voice message if you leave early.
Doing a 1-minute check-in: “1 to 10 — how are you this morning?”
Predictable rituals create anchors of safety in the brain. It becomes “proof” that you’re consistent and attuned.
7. Name What They Might Be Feeling Before They Say It
“Sometimes mornings remind you of what happened. I just want you to know, I’m here, I’m not hiding anything, and I’m committed to earning back your trust.”
Shows empathic foresight. This deepens safety because it means you’re mentally and emotionally tracking their needs without being asked.
8. Include Them in Your Inner World
“Before I even got out of bed, I was thinking about how grateful I am that you’re still here, still fighting for us. That means everything to me.”
Replaces the "emotional gap" created by betrayal with emotional closeness and appreciation.
Optional Add-On: Morning Text (if you're apart)
“Good morning. I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. If you’re feeling anxious or triggered today, I understand. You can always reach out, I’m here, and I care deeply about how you're doing.”
Transcript:
Morgan (00:01):
Hi guys. Welcome to Healing Broken Trust. We're Brad and Morgan Robinson.
Brad (00:05):
Yes.
Morgan (00:06):
And we are coming live today to talk to you about triggers and dealing with those triggers during the holidays. We know Christmas is coming here very quickly. We have what, 10 days? How many days? Nine days. Nine days, nine days. And we know that it can be pretty hard on a lot of people. So Brad, we wanted to talk about this thing that Brad kind of coined and kind of put together and it's a called-
Brad (00:37):
I didn't coin it. I heard it from a client and I thought it was, that's really cool. I like that. Oh yeah. So it stuck with me. I did not coin this.
Morgan (00:45):
Oh, okay. Well, good to know. Yeah. But it's an interesting word, pre-assurance. Pre-assurance. What do you think about that, Brad? Tell me about it.
Brad (00:54):
Well, pre-assurance is really important because it's offering reassurance before our partner gets triggered. And it's a proactive way to help them feel safe emotionally. It's basically saying, "I see you, I'm here, you matter." So that's really important. And you can use that, any version of that, like I see you, I'm here, you matter in words, our tone, our action, and then our level of affection. But it has to be gentle affection because sometimes affection obviously is not always welcome after a chart gets broken, after our spouse has betrayed us or hurt us. So it's not always welcome. But if they are open to it, then we can offer a hug, we can hold their hand, we can sit near them without any sort of pressure. And that physical affection is saying, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." So that physical presence, when it's welcomed, when it's safe, when it's like we both agree that it's something that's good for us, it's really a direct way to soothe somebody who's been traumatized.
(01:57):
And it just helps them feel better. Works really well in the early morning when we're tired because we tend to be more triggered in the morning or when we're stressed or in the evening.
Morgan (02:11):
Yeah, that's great. It's
Brad (02:12):
Just a really good way to help somebody who's traumatized.
Morgan (02:15):
It's very interesting. So preassurance, so reassuring before your partner is triggered. So that assumes that we've talked about those triggers.
Brad (02:25):
Yeah. So it's a good point. It's assuming you know what it looks like because some people get triggered and they get silent. Some people get triggered and they're more vocal. If a pursuer gets triggered, you're going to know about it. If somebody's more of a distancer, they might just pull away more. So you're not always aware of it.
Morgan (02:43):
Yeah, that's true. That makes sense. And so being aware of how your partner reacts when they're being triggered, having an idea of what those triggers might be, what that looks like for them will really help. And so having conversations around what triggers you or what triggers your partner, I think is really very helpful, which is something that we help people do is have those conversations. Any thoughts on that, Brad?
Brad (03:13):
Yeah. I think it always goes better if you have ... That's because that's part of what preassurance is. It's saying, "I'm here. I see you, you matter, not going anywhere." That helps if you can have a conversation before events happen. What is a plan? Some people are triggered and they're like, "Come close." Other people are triggered are like, "Stay away." Some people want both just depending on the circumstances or the situation. So it's confusing to the person who's working to be a healer if the person who's been betrayed is confused on what they want
Morgan (03:45):
Because
Brad (03:46):
It may be situational.
Morgan (03:47):
And
Brad (03:48):
Then sometimes in our negative cycle we're like, "Read my mind. I want you to do it this way."
Morgan (03:52):
And
Brad (03:52):
Then the person's like, "I had no idea that's what you wanted."
Morgan (03:55):
Because
Brad (03:56):
It was different last time and then the time before. And what is tricky about this is that for the average person who's betrayed, they love their spouse, that's why they're choosing to reconcile, but they're also now afraid of their spouse. So now in the same heart exists fear, but also love and then confusion. So people are like, "I don't know what I need. I don't know what I want. " And that's where it's helpful just to kind of be graceful on both sides.
New Speaker (04:23):
If you're
Brad (04:24):
Going to heal, you need the betrayer to be a healer, help rebuild, help be transparent, obviously be sorry, to acknowledge it, to help kind of be willing to do what they need to do to rebuild things, but that fear can exist on both sides. And preassurance, the way we've talked about it so far is like what somebody has done who's been unfaithful, can do for the betrayed, but we can do it for each other as well because sometimes people who have had an affair have a lot of shame. They also can be uncertain if they can ever be forgiven. And sometimes they're a burnout pursuer or maybe a burnout withdrawer even, but they're burnout in the relationship and they don't know if this is something that they want to continue. So they're like, they can need reassurance.
Morgan (05:16):
Yeah, that reassurance, pre-assurance, right? Yeah. So trying to ... So it's not reading the mind, of course.
Brad (05:23):
No, not at all.
Morgan (05:24):
But it's talking about potential problems. If you're an athlete, you go through the athletic process, you're visualizing the game day, right? You're visualizing the shot you're going to make. Well, in this particular situation, it's very similar, right? You're thinking through, okay, when we go to your mom's house for Thanksgiving or for Christmas or for the New Year's, they're going to probably ask these questions, right? Well, how are we going to answer those questions? So kind of thinking through the game day in advance, what are we going to say? What are we going to do? What could it look like? And then sort of visualizing it in your mind so that it's less triggering. And when those triggers happen, you'll have kind of a plan in place and being able to just communicate with each other and say, "When this happens, it often makes me feel this way." Or, "I could imagine if somebody were to ask me that question, I might feel a certain way and here's what I really need from you.
(06:24):
I need you to come by me and touch me on the shoulder or I need you to step in and say, I think we need to leave or whatever it is to defend me or maybe it's to give me space and let me go to the restroom or something and not follow me and ask a million questions, whatever it might be. Having that conversation is going to be really, really important and very helpful. And then I think something, as you were speaking, something that popped in my head was the idea of patience. We need to be patient with ourselves through this process and to allow for both, like you mentioned, the confusion and the love and the fears, recognizing each piece of those there that are there and having patience with ourselves to allow those things to coexist so that we can work through them, right?
(07:14):
To sit with them, to acknowledge them so that they can heal, so we can heal. And then again, also patients with our partner, right? Because they're going to make mistakes. They're going to make mistakes because we're human. And so having patients with the process can be very hard, especially when you're triggered and dealing with the blowback of the trauma that is infidelity, right? So what
(07:41):
Are your thoughts on that? Yeah,
Brad (07:42):
No, I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense. Morgan, let's get into some practical ways on how to offer preassurance across different situations that people find themselves triggered in.
Morgan (07:53):
Okay. Sounds good.
Brad (07:55):
The first one is during holidays. Obviously, like we just had Thanksgiving, we're about to have Christmas. There's other holidays during this season and those are big events. And this also goes along with other situations like anniversaries. It's really tricky when the anniversary of an affair when it was going on and when it was discovered is during the holiday season.
New Speaker (08:21):
These
Brad (08:21):
Are supposed to be really family times, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. And instead of being a special time for us, I'm now reminded of how apart we were or like your affair, I discovered on Halloween. So now I every Halloween, I think of this. Those can be really special, but in a bad way, situations that create a lot of triggers. And so something you can say, if you're somebody who's seeking to give preassurance, so if you've been maybe unfaithful and you're seeking to give preassurance, something you can say is, " I know the holidays might stir up hard feelings. I want you to know I'm focused on being emotionally present with you and making sure we create moments that feel safe and meaningful, but I want to do that on your terms for you. "Because when we're doing preassurance, we're saying," I'm here, you matter, and that is a really good way to kind of communicate, I'm here and you matter to me.
Morgan (09:21):
"Yeah, that's right. I think every conversation where you're trying to discuss something difficult with your partner, there is kind of a formula. It's acknowledging their needs, acknowledging their hurts, taking responsibility for your part for anything that you contribute or could contribute,
(09:45):
And then reassuring them that you're there for them and that you care about them. And then fourth thing would be that you want to help them, you want to heal the relationship, you care about the relationship and you're there for them essentially back to number three. So there's a good formula there. And we do have a few scripts that you can follow on our website for difficult things. One of them being like, if you're trying to cut off the affair partner and you don't really know how to do it, or maybe it's been difficult, there's a template letter that you can send to them, so maybe I can make a script for this for the holiday season.
Brad (10:25):
Yeah, because part of this too is people get stuck in this just to really simplify this. They really get stuck in this when they don't feel cared for. There's obviously going to be like trauma, but people get stuck in this because they don't feel cared for. And what preassurance is doing, it's saying," I see you, I'm here, you matter to me. "And it's communicating," I'm doing this because you matter to me.
Morgan (10:52):
"That's right. And this relationship
Brad (10:54):
Matters. Yeah. I care about you. And that's really what people need. Otherwise, if they don't feel like you're concerned about them after ... If the average person who's been betrayed feels like, " Okay, you don't care about me after breaking my trust, "they get stuck in that. They really struggle to move forward. They really can't heal beyond that. Now, the next situation that you're going to offer preassurance in is that before social gathering, especially with people who know about the affair or maybe even who are associated with the past, what you can say if you've been unfaithful is, " If anything about tonight feels off or uncomfortable for you, just give me a look or a signal.
New Speaker (11:36):
I'll
Brad (11:36):
Be right there with you. Your comfort is my priority. "So let me say that again. If anything about tonight feels off or uncomfortable for you, just give me a look or a signal. I'll be right there with you. Your comfort is my priority. Yeah,
New Speaker (11:50):
That's important.
Brad (11:50):
What that does is it gives the betrayed partner control and protection in unpredictable settings where shame or exposure might spike or it might be more uncomfortable because people know you got that family member who's ornery and just says cramp. And so you got to ...
Morgan (12:10):
The difficult people in your lives. That's interesting too. I've been thinking about that a lot actually lately. Thank God for those difficult people, right? Thank the Lord for those difficult people because they help us grow and become better, but still it can be so hard, especially when you're on edge already and already traumatized by these things. But again, it goes back to that patience, right? Just trying to be patient with ourselves and with people who just are clueless sometimes
Brad (12:40):
About
Morgan (12:40):
What to say or not say.
Brad (12:42):
Yeah,
Morgan (12:42):
Exactly. Don't have a filter.
Brad (12:43):
Do you want to talk about the next way to offer preassurance, the third way?
Morgan (12:48):
Oh yeah. Okay. So thinking about before you go out, right? So there's these triggers. Okay. So let's say you're going out and you realize or you remember that you used to do X, Y, or Z when we would go out. So just going out in general can be a trigger. So maybe having a conversation where we say," Well, okay, before I leave, maybe if you're going out by yourself, I just want you to know exactly where I'll be and who I'm with. And if you ever need to check in, I welcome it, not because you should trust me yet, because that may not be there, but because I want to earn it. "And so being just very transparent, being very vocal about I'm safe, that I'm a safe person for you. I know that when I would go out before, there were things that I was doing that I shouldn't have been doing, but I want you to know that I'm not doing that anymore and I'm open.
(13:54):
I'm an open book. And so that's important. So it preempts the suspicion that could potentially pop up and calms that person who has their trust broken. So it offers transparency without being asked and normalizes trust building as a process. So processing. Yeah, that's important. Make it a process. Yeah.
Brad (14:18):
Yeah, exactly. The fourth way that you can offer preassurance is before physical intimacy or even a romantic date, you can say a statement like this because physical intimacy, romantic dates, they tend to trigger feelings of being unsafe or even used. Some people can use physical intimacy as a way to reconnect after trust has been broken. Other people, it's like, it's no- Don't touch me. Yeah, don't touch me. It's not safe. It just depends, but there can be a feeling of being used. The other thing that can happen is we had an active love life before the affair, during the affair, between us, when we did go on romantic dates, we did do all the right stuff. That is no longer reassuring to me. What normally should have been something a couple would do to have a good relationship or even to rebuild after trust is broken, no longer does that for me.
(15:10):
And instead now it's more of a trigger because it reminds me of like, this wasn't enough to prevent your affair,
New Speaker (15:17):
That
Brad (15:17):
Kind of thing. So that's really important. So what you can do, what you can offer is you can say something like, " I know being close like this can bring up mixed emotions. You never have to pretend with me. If anything starts to feel unsafe or confusing, just tell me and we can stop or shift in whatever way you need. "So let me say that again. I know being close like this can bring up mixed emotions. You never have to pretend with me. If anything starts to feel unsafe or confusing, just tell me and we can stop or shift in whatever way you need. When you say something like that, Morgan, it respects emotional, physical safety of somebody, but you're also promoting openness and vulnerability and genuineness and authenticity instead of like putting pressure on somebody who's been betrayed. So it's like, I break your trust, now I'm pressuring you to have sex with me or make love that just creates more fear, which actually digs a whole deeper for us because you're feeling this pressure from me.
(16:11):
And if you don't perform, then you have this fear you're going
New Speaker (16:15):
To lose me.
Brad (16:15):
But an open, loving statement like that that can be reassuring or preassuring before helps people who've been betrayed, feel like they can relax more.
Morgan (16:26):
Yeah. That's so important. So, so important. So then there's a fifth one. You want to jump into that?
Brad (16:32):
Yeah. Oh,
Morgan (16:32):
I can do it or you can do it. You
Brad (16:34):
Can go for it.
Morgan (16:34):
So the fifth one would be before discussing the affair or even attending therapy, which a trigger could be reopening wounds, having the fear of talking about it or opening up those wounds, being vulnerable. So what you could say is, this is hard to talk about. It's hard to talk about. And I want you to know that I'm committed to hearing whatever you need to share. Even if it hurts, I'll do my best to stay grounded and not get defensive because your feelings matter. So what it does is it signals readiness and accountability. It also reassures them that they won't be punished for their emotions, that you won't retaliate, that they're essentially a safe person and they're not ... If you become vulnerable with them or you're opening those wounds back up, that they're not going to attack you for it. So I think that's really very helpful for preassuring, right?
(17:32):
Yeah, exactly. Preassuring.
Brad (17:33):
Yeah. Now the sixth thing that you can offer preassurance with is with technology. Anytime a phone is used or a computer is used, that kind of thing, you can offer preassurance. And so obviously social media, those are all like really big triggers. So what you can do to offer preassurance if you've broken trust is I'm going to be on my phone for a bit just so you know, it's for this reason and I can share what I'm doing if that helps you feel more at ease. So let me say that again. I'm going to be on my phone for a little bit, just so you know. It's for this reason I can share what I'm doing if that helps you feel more at ease. And what that does is it turns a potential suspicious action into an opportunity to show transparency and it respects their trauma
Morgan (18:23):
And
Brad (18:23):
You're being mindful of the wound. Part of what hurts people who've been betrayed is like, golly, you never think about this.
(18:30):
You never think about me. You don't think about this. We only talk about it when I bring it up. So if you've broken trust, this is really useful, this framework that we're talking about because the pattern is usually the person who broke trust only talks about it, only thinks about it when the injured partner or the betrayed partner brings it up. But if we can offer preassurance first, which means we're bringing it up when we're initiating the conversation because we're saying to them, "I see you, you matter to me, I'm here for you. " When we do that, it really helps the betrayed feel secure. It helps them feel seen and it helps them feel safe, that kind of thing. Because a lot of negative cycles happen because they don't feel seen. The betrayed don't feel seen, they don't feel safe. And so a lot of these negative cycles happen because of that.
Morgan (19:19):
They're
Brad (19:19):
Just trying to like, "Give me, I want your attention, notice me, see me. " That kind of thing.
Morgan (19:24):
Yeah, absolutely. And when you preassure, you're able to give them that reassurance in advance. That's really great. So the seventh one would be before traveling or going on a trip alone. And what you could say, and before you do that, is you can say, "I realize travel can be a trigger. It can be triggering for you. " And so not knowing where I am, who I'm with or any of the details, that can be so hard, right? I'll keep you updated regularly. And if anything feels off or concerning, I want you to tell me right away so I can address it. I will answer my phone and that sort of thing. So what it does is it replaces secrecy with structure and offers continual reassurance. One second. I have to sneeze. Okay, hold on. Nevermind. Sorry, I've got a cold. Yeah. So that's really helpful triggering for sure all the traveling.
(20:22):
Yeah.
Brad (20:23):
Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Now the last arena or area of our lives that we can use preassurance in is right before during a milestone moment, it's the first time since kind of a moment. It's basically naming the elephant in the room so that we can build trust just by recognition. I'm bringing it up. I'm being present. I'm not avoiding the elephant room.
Morgan (20:48):
It's the first Christmas since the fair was discovered or it's kind of the first
Brad (20:55):
Whatever- First anniversary, first Valentine's Day. I mean, it could be other things besides that.
Morgan (21:05):
What could you say, do you think?
Brad (21:06):
Well, what you could say is, this is our first event, first holiday, it's the first time we've gone on a date, made love since everything happened. I've been thinking about how hard that might be for you. If there's any way I can make today feel easier or even safer for you or even more comforting, please let me know. I want to be here in the way that you need. So that basically names the elephant in the room and it builds trust because you're being present and you're not avoiding.
New Speaker (21:34):
Yeah. People
Brad (21:34):
Who've been betrayed really struggle with avoidance
New Speaker (21:37):
And
Brad (21:37):
Either spouse to lean in and be engaged. And so when you say something like this, I'm going to repeat it again. This is our first event, date, holiday, maybe love making since everything happened. I've been thinking about how hard this might be for you. If there's any way I can make today feel easier or safer or more comforting, please let me know. I want to be there in the way that you need me to be.
(22:01):
And when you give that kind of preassurance, it works because you're anticipating the fear instead of reacting to it, proves that you're emotionally attuned. Usually when people have an affair, they're definitely not maybe not always ... They don't always act checked out in the marriage. Obviously they are because you have an affair, you're checked out, you're compartmentalized, but when you offer preassurance, what you're doing is you're choosing the marriage first, choosing your relationship first with your spouse. When you're having an affair, you're choosing that relationship and yourself first. But when you're offering preassurance, you're showing, "I'm choosing us first."
Morgan (22:39):
Reinvested in the relationship with
Brad (22:41):
You. Exactly. Yeah. And preassurance works because it anticipates fear instead of reacting to it, it proves that we're emotionally attuned and it builds a new track record of reliability. It's a new positive cycle that we're offering.
Morgan (22:55):
Yes.
Brad (22:56):
At our workshops, we talk about negative cycles. We spend a lot of time on that. And then we also, before we get into that, we talk about positive cycles because if we can have a positive cycle, it helps us get out of the negative cycle because you can really only be in one or the other at the same time. And so we kind of go deeper into what positive cycles are at our workshop, where they try to unpack that.
Morgan (23:16):
Yeah. And how to exit your negative cycle, but then replace that negative cycle with a new positive cycle.
Brad (23:23):
Yeah.
Morgan (23:23):
Yeah.
Brad (23:24):
But preassurance helps us get into that more positive cycle because it's saying, "I choose you. I'm being thoughtful. I'm being considerate. You're top of mind." And normally the average person who strays, unless they're like a burnout pursuer, pursuers are those who turn to the relationship for comfort and support. The average person who strays has a history of not really doing that. They tend to be fiercely independent. So when we offer preassurance, we're showing that we're emotionally attuned, where I'm looking to you to comfort you, but also I'm looking to you for support, it's showing I'm different.
New Speaker (24:01):
I'm
Brad (24:01):
Not the same person that was doing this. I'm choosing you, which is really important for people who've been betrayed. Go ahead, because we're almost done.
Morgan (24:11):
Oh, I was just going to say, if you have asked a question, I can't see it for some reason. This is the first time we've gone live before. So if you've asked a question, I apologize, I can't see anything. See what
Brad (24:23):
Happens when you click down there.
Morgan (24:25):
Down here? Yeah. Worst case scenario is I'll answer your question as soon as I can, but honestly, I can't see anything. This is the first time. So I apologize if you've asked a question and I haven't answered it yet. I just can't see it. I might not be able to see it until we're all done. So I'll be sure to
Brad (24:47):
Answer that. Can I just flip or skip some ... Let me push some buttons here.
Morgan (24:52):
Oh, sure.
Brad (24:53):
Ooh, no. In the video. I'm sorry.
Morgan (24:55):
Don't do that. I wouldn't do that either. None of that, because that's all going to do the same thing probably.
Brad (25:00):
Yeah. Oh,
Morgan (25:01):
Wait. I have an idea.
Brad (25:02):
Yeah. What
Morgan (25:03):
About this? I got some questions
Brad (25:07):
Right there.
Morgan (25:08):
Maybe.
Brad (25:09):
No questions.
Morgan (25:10):
Okay. Wait, those are our questions. Okay. So let's see. Oh, listen to this. Oh, okay. Here's some. Here's one. Okay. So this person says, "Listen to your podcast about EMDR treatment. Sounds promising."
Brad (25:30):
Yeah, it's very helpful. If you get a chance to do it, I would jump at it. It'll be life changing. EMDR. Whether you're the betrayed or the unfaithful partner, it will help immensely.
Morgan (25:42):
It
Brad (25:42):
Will help a lot.
Morgan (25:44):
Yeah. And something I like to tell people because I feel like it's really helpful. And tell me, fill in the blanks, but EMDR is just one type of trauma treatment. There's lots of different types. And so sometimes people will use EMDR and it's great and then they'll keep processing because it's like an onion and it opens up maybe a new trauma will pop up and then maybe EMDR is not as effective and they think, "Oh gosh, this isn't working." Well, maybe you just need a different type of trauma treatment and that's okay. EMDR is very popular right now.
Brad (26:25):
Yeah. I wouldn't necessarily say it's the best, but it'll get the job done. It'll help you feel better if you've been betrayed and it'll get the job done. So if that's all you've got available, great.
Morgan (26:38):
Yeah.
Brad (26:38):
Part of what we've done is we have a workshop, we've turned it into a more of a complete program where there's a workshop component to it. It's also an on- demand workshop that you can do virtually, just like you log in and just go through everything on your own. Part of that to make it more complete and thorough is we have a trauma portion of it where we have taken what's considered the gold standard of trauma treatment and we teach you how to do it yourself if you want to do it on your own. So we've tried to make it more robust, our workshop into a full program, more than just a weekend.
Morgan (27:19):
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it's definitely robust. That trauma piece is so underrated. I don't think people really realize just how traumatizing this truly is and how those triggers can really impact your healing. And just to know that yes, EMDR is really great, but there's several different methods. Brad, how many methods do you- Oh,
Brad (27:44):
Six, seven.
Morgan (27:45):
He knows six or seven different methods. Just I'm trained in myself. Yeah, that he's trained in. So being able to draw from those I think is just so invaluable instead of ... A lot of therapists, they get kind of happy with one particular method and they don't really search for more, but that's not Brad's case. Brad is constantly searching for more. There's something better, something bigger, something stronger, something better for you guys. And so I think that's really important to note. But yeah, EMDR is really, really great. I've been through EMDR therapy. I've also been through thought field therapy and I've been through, what is it, brainspotting and there's lots of different methods, but there's a lot more therapists who are EMD are trained. So yeah, it's great.
Brad (28:40):
Yeah. Thank you guys. If you get any other comments, we'll stay on for a couple minutes unless there's not another comment we'll go.
Morgan (28:47):
Yeah.
Brad (28:47):
But thank you for joining us and hope to see you guys at a workshop if you're able to make it
Morgan (28:54):
In a
Brad (28:55):
Program.
Morgan (28:56):
Yeah. And there's a link I think that's pinned in the comment section for you to schedule discovery calls free. You can talk with a member of our team to get help for your relationship and for you individually. So thank you guys for sticking it out for this 30 minutes here and we'll talk to you soon.
Brad (29:20):
Yeah. Thank you guys. Bye-bye.
Morgan (29:21):
Bye.
