Most people in limerence can recall the exact moment it hit. A smile across the room. A laugh that lingered too long. A text that shouldn’t have felt like anything but somehow felt like everything.

That’s Stage One.

We like to believe affairs are plotted, deliberate things. But limerence doesn’t ask for planning. It sneaks in through the cracks. Through mild discontent. A low-grade loneliness. A sense that something—anything—needs to change. Then someone new offers attention, and the world tilts. Not because that person is extraordinary. But because the feeling is.

If your spouse has ended the affair but the other person keeps circling back, it may be because the affair partner is stuck in emotional withdrawal. The affair partner doesn’t just miss your spouse—they feel like they need them. This behavior isn’t about love. It’s about addiction. The affair gave them a high. A sense of being wanted, chosen, important. And now that it’s over, they’re searching for their next “fix”—which, to them, means getting your spouse back and they’ll stop at nothing until they do.

That’s why they keep texting. That’s why they linger. It’s not about your marriage. It’s about their own internal crash.

You’d think exposure would be the end of it. The affair is discovered. The damage is done. Everyone’s crying, reeling, making ultimatums. But then—somehow—it continues. Quietly. Secretly. Sometimes even more intensely than before.

Why?

It’s the question that arrives long after the discovery, after the gut punch, after the tears and the text message sleuthing: What did they actually feel for them? Was it love? Was it lust? Was it something else entirely?

Here’s the strange thing about affairs: even the people having them often don’t know why they’re doing it. They talk in circles—about stress, or boredom, or how they hadn’t felt “seen” in years—but push a little deeper and you find something slipperier than desire or dissatisfaction. You find confusion. Maybe even delusion.

Which brings us to a word that sounds like a brand of luxury perfume but isn’t: limerence.

The truth is, not all love is the same. What we call "love" can take many forms—some thrilling, some steady, some selfless. And if you're trying to rebuild a relationship after it’s been shaken or shattered, understanding what kind of love brought you together—and what kind can help you heal—is essential. That’s where the ancient Greeks can help. They had seven words for love. Seven different kinds of connection, each with its own strengths, limits, and role in a relationship.

Let’s begin with the kind of love that most relationships start with—the passionate, magnetic pull that feels like fate…