Finding Motivation to Continue When You Feel None

In behavioral economics, there’s a phenomenon called the “expectancy effect.”

You expect something to work, and—surprise—it’s more likely to.

Not because the thing itself changed, but because you did. Your behavior adapts.

You show up differently. You make different choices, even in the smallest moments.

And those small moments—those are the ones that quietly bend the arc of a life.

Now apply that to a marriage sitting in the wreckage of an affair.

You’ve got two people—shell-shocked, arms crossed, emotionally bleeding out.

Trust is in the negative.

Intimacy feels like a distant planet.

Every look is loaded, every silence says more than words ever could.

But then something small happens.

Rebuild Intimacy After Betrayal: Healing Sex and Trust

There are things in life we expect to shake us: the death of a parent, the loss of a job, a phone call at 3 a.m. But betrayal—the romantic kind, the kind that starts in whispers and ends in revelations—has its own Richter scale.

It doesn’t just rattle the walls.

It tears through the foundation you didn’t even realize you were standing on. And what it leaves behind isn’t debris—it’s disorientation.

Because when the person you trusted with your body, your future, your family… lies with someone else, the first thing that fractures isn’t the relationship.

It’s you.

And then, here comes the part no one talks about: the expectation—spoken or not—that you’ll somehow want to have sex with the person who lit the match.

7 Stages of Affair Recovery: Healing Infidelity, Overcoming Trauma, and Rebuilding Your Marriage

Affair recovery is a process that unfolds in stages, and healing requires successfully navigating each one—you can’t skip ahead.

That said, these stages aren’t always linear; you might find yourself working through multiple stages at once.

Our goal was to map out what couples naturally experience, offering a clear roadmap to recovery and showing that healing is possible.

To make this journey even clearer, we’ve woven in research from leading experts and real-life stories—snapshots of couples who’ve walked this path, illuminating each stage with both science and experience.

Healing Broken Trust: Overcoming Affair Trauma, Repairing Infidelity, and Rebuilding Your Marriage with the Triangle Approach

Affairs cut deep. They rattle you to your core.

If you’ve been betrayed, you’ve likely felt a gut-wrenching pain, a heavy sadness, and maybe even a piece of yourself slipping away.

It’s not just the loss of trust in your spouse—it can make you question everyone.

And then there’s the maddening part: despite the betrayal, you might still love them. That’s a tangle of emotions—wanting to turn to the one person you always leaned on for comfort, only to realize they’re the source of your hurt.

For the one who broke trust—the betrayer—the pain is different but real. Shame, sorrow, and regret often weigh them down.

Maybe they felt lost, unseen, or unheard in the relationship before the affair, and now they’re grappling with their own mess, even as the one who caused it.

Why Is Your Affair Recovery Stalling? - 5 Key Barriers to Healing After Infidelity

Recovering from an affair is an emotional marathon that pushes you to the brink, testing every shred of strength, resilience, and hope you have left. 

The sting of infidelity doesn’t just wound—it obliterates, leaving you sifting through the rubble of a life you thought was yours, desperate to heal from the betrayal yet sinking deeper into a swamp of anguish, doubt, and suffocating confusion. 

If your affair recovery feels like it’s crashed into an unyielding wall, know this: you’re not alone. Countless couples find themselves ensnared in the wreckage of infidelity, clawing for a way out but unable to break free from the relentless grip of pain. 

Healing from an affair isn’t a gentle, linear path—it’s a jagged, torturous odyssey through a wasteland of broken trust and shattered dreams.

21 Practical Tools to Manage Anger After Marital Infidelity

Anger is a natural response to infidelity. But when left unmanaged, it can consume your life, sabotage healing, and leave you feeling more alone than ever.

These 21 tools are designed to help you feel your anger without being ruled by it.