How do you forgive someone when they sought to destroy you? The underlying question is also WHY? Why forgive?
Forgiveness is not for the transgressor. It’s for the person who was hurt. Our bitterness and anger eats at our mental and emotional wellbeing. It impacts all of our relationships.
You may have heard the saying, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping another person dies”. It’s wanting to punish someone else while actually punishing ourselves.
There are mainly two groups within the unfaithful partners that we will consider in this article. The motivated unfaithful partner and the unmotivated unfaithful partner.
The unmotivated partner may not always know what to do. They may feel helpless that things can’t really change.
The motivated partner may be afraid of losing their spouse. They too aren’t always sure of what to do.
In either case the list below will shed some light on what goes on in the mind of the one who had an affair. This would also apply to anyone who has had multiple affairs as well.
It's been extremely helpful. Me, as the betrayer in the relationship, being able to work through the why on the other side of it has been extremely beneficial to better understand how past trauma has brought me to this point and has caused me to take actions to get us to this point, along with how to communicate better and to have a better emotional awareness and tools in order to get there. Because I think with better emotional awareness, both personally and in our relationship, we can talk through these things without getting to the point that we had in the past. So it's been life-changing, and especially for our relationship extremely beneficial…
The workshop's been great. It has brought to light a lot that I was unaware of even being married for 20 years to the woman that I've loved. There are many things that I need to work on as well as both of us as a couple. But it has definitely shed new light on why my spouse possibly did what she did,
One of the coolest parts about our HBT Program is the weekly group meetings.
On Monday, 13 couples met to talk about where they are on their healing journey and to encourage and support each other.
So many neat and wonderful things happen in these meetings.
The group discussed pages from our HBT workshop book that everyone gets when they join and someone came up with the coolest formula to describe what brings about healing…
“I'm afraid of what he'll say. I'm afraid to hurt him, but I just can't have that fear anymore. You know, I know that that's what he needs to heal and I heard it over and over on your podcast and it's, I just didn't quite understand it like, but now I do. And I think we're doing pretty good today. I would say, yes, we, you know, we still have work to do. And, but I feel like we're in a place where we're, it's a little more encouraging. We're not feeling as defeated…
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If you just found out your spouse cheated on you, you may be wondering what do I do? If, so, if you're asking a question like that, I'm really sorry that you're in that place. That is a terrible place to be. I've had clients in the past, tell me they would rather go back to Iraq again, get shot at I've had clients tell me that they would rather find out they have cancer again and find out their spouse had cheated on them. And so you, so I'm really sorry you're in that spot. It's a very devastating place to be in. It is a nightmare scenario. So I'm really sorry if you're in the spot where your spouse is cheating on you, and you're wondering, what should I do? And I want to give you three pieces of advice…
