“Pre-assurance” — offering reassurance before your partner is triggered, is a proactive way to help them feel emotionally safe. It communicates awareness, care, and emotional leadership, especially after betrayal. It's one of the most compassionate things an unfaithful partner can do to rebuild trust.

You can remember it like this:

“I see you. I’m here. You matter.”

Any version of that,  in word, tone, action, or affection,  offers safety before the fear can set in.

Use Gentle Physical Affection (If Welcome)

Sometimes just holding their hand, offering a hug, or sitting near them without pressure says:

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Physical presence, when safe and consensual, is a direct way to soothe nervous system reactivity — especially in the early hours.

Here are practical examples of how to offer pre-assurance across different common triggering situations…