“Within three days, I think we’ve covered more than we’ve covered in three years.”
Myles
Jenna:
I feel so hopeful. I just feel like we're just going to start a better life today.
Myles:
I was reluctant at first to come to the workshop. I was thinking, this is three years later. I've read a lot of books. I've been through other workshops and I thought, if I go to this, is it going to make a difference? How is it going to change where we've been, what we've gone through, and that hopeless despair feeling? I was just reluctant and I wasn't sure that anything really was going to help at this point because after three years of working at this and working at this, we were caught in such a negative cycle that the workshop reluctantly as I came, I realized, oh my God, this is really exactly what we need. And everything that we covered reflected where I was at. And I could identify with it and I could see exactly where I fit in that. I understood my spouse better.
I understood why her reaction to me and why we were caught in that negative cycle continued. We were unable to address the trauma. And the workshop really works smoothly, efficiently, and works right through and gets right to the point that above and beyond just your marriage and all that's happened is this issue of trauma in your life. And the workshop covers that and it really went very smoothly. And I came out of it feeling 100% better that I understood my wife. I understood myself better, why I did what I did. And I really was able to let go of shame and a lot of remorse over not only my behavior, my thoughts, everything I had done in the past, but how my entire life and childhood contributed to what my actions would be later in life. What do you…
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Jenna:
Think? The workshop was fantastic. I feel that it taught me how to be compassionate towards him, which I think is a huge healing. It's a stumbling block if you don't have it. And I learned that through the workshop. You seem to hit the nail right on the head with every emotion that I was going through. And it was the first time that I felt understood. And the way you conveyed the information to my husband made me feel that he understood. And if anybody knows about these type of situations, having him get it is so important to heal you. So I think you did a fantastic job with
Myles:
That. For me, this affair, infidelity and recovery, and I didn't realize that there's so much to this, simply to say, "Oh, get over it or sweep it under the rug or how many times do we have to talk about this? " That's not going away until you address this trauma. And I didn't know that. You don't know what you don't know. You can read all the books you want to read. You can do it, but until this is addressed to me, it seems impossible to get on it. But through this conference, through Brad, Eric, everybody's talking, the collaboration of folks within the group. For the first time, my wife, I was able to emphasize with her, I was able to feel her compassion towards me that I haven't felt in three years, that she understood me and why I did or why I was the way I was.
And I was able to look at that and understand her better as well. And then you come out of this thing and you're like, wow, there's more to this. This is not as simple as therapy where you talk about your marriage. This goes much deeper. And within three days, I think we've covered more than we've covered in three years. Wow.
Yeah, absolutely.
Jenna:
Yeah, I agree 100%. I felt like a lot of my reactions are the problems that we face today. And I needed to recognize that to heal as well and to help him heal.
Myles:
Yeah, because I don't think you saw me as somebody who needed any healing, did you?
“I came out of it feeling 100 percent better. I understood my wife. I understood myself better, why I did what I did. And I was really able to let go of shame and a lot of remorse.”
Jenna:
I knew you needed help, but I couldn't articulate what you should do.
Myles:
And I got that from this course. I mean, you made-
Jenna:
Yeah, I feel like I got it as well.
Myles:
What I would say to somebody who was reluctant to attend, because it is fearful. It's the fear of the unknown. We didn't know what to expect, and we're familiar with a lot of this, because I've been to other conferences, I've been to other workshops, that same fear of I'll be exposed, or we're going to rip the scabs off of these wounds, or any number of anxieties and worries. Will this help? Will this finally be something we can sink our teeth into and move along and rewrite our legacy? And coming out of Brad's workshop on Healing Broken Trust, there's nothing like it. I mean, there's activities that you do that really expose in not a hurtful way, but in a gentle kind way, all that you've been carrying around with you on this, the pains and the hurts on both sides. They're a radical difference. You almost walk out feeling like ... Well, you do walk out feeling like there's a lot of hope.
In fact, we're confident that we're on our way. We really are, and we're doing it right. We just do a little more work in the trauma area, but I wouldn't have known that unless I came here. I wouldn't have known what was keeping me in that negative cycle and in this situation was things that affected me early on in life that have been multiplied and impacted over time, and now I'm able to open up a new track instead of going around in a circle, on a train constantly. I can go this way and get off of it. And it's really a great feeling to know that my spouse, my wife who has suffered with this, can finally get off that track, that rabbit hole of anxiety and worry.
Jenna:
Yeah. I felt like this was our last hope because after three years of just doing the same negative circles, you start to lose all hope that there's any type of resolution to this. And so I walked in anxious, feeling like it's going to either make us or break us. We can't go home and continue this. And listening to everything you had to say and understanding why I react the way I reacted to a lot of things has made such a difference. I feel so hopeful. I just feel like we're just going to start a better life today. I really feel that way.
Brad:
Yeah, that's really great. Was there any exercises that we did that really stand out to you?
Myles:
Yeah, we did a few exercises. There was nothing I had to say out in public to anybody. It was all between my spouse and I. So if you're worried about having to stand in front of other couples that you're not aware of and when you do these exercises, the empathy exercise for me, my wife's letter to me where I was able to hear her talk about what she felt- What made you the most? That what hurt her the most. When I heard what hurt her the most, it really hit me viscerally. I could feel it in my whole body and I really felt the genuine, sincere message that she sent, which was one of love and one of wanting to be with me and wanting to work this out. And although you can talk about that in marriage counseling and therapy, unless you're with somebody or you're with a group or in a program where somebody actually has been through this and knows it and understands, it would be very difficult.
So I would encourage anybody that's on the fence to really jump into this, take a look at it, to save your marriage. It has made a drastic difference in our, just within three days. I have in 33 years of marriage, I have not communicated like I have in the past three days with my wife.
Brad:
Wow.
Myles:
And it wasn't hard to do. It was easy because of the nature and the design of the program. Yeah. Yeah.
Jenna:
Yeah. Yeah, I agree. The letter of apology to me was the first time that I think he got the whole scope of how I feel and what this, and how it impacted me. And the apology, the understanding really made a difference. I feel like he gets it, which is a big thing in this type of work is the betrayed saying, "You don't get it. You don't get it. You need to get it. " I feel like he completely gets it. So I think the letter of apology was a very, very good exercise. I needed to hear it.
Myles:
But I couldn't articulate that verbally. It's something that through a letter and through the structure of the program, it wasn't just a letter, it was the material that was presented prior to that, that led up to my ability to actually put that together and express not only empathy, but real compassion.
Jenna:
Yeah. You wouldn't be able to do it in the beginning. You would have to go through your program and then do it to have that type of impact.
Brad:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We kind of build up to it
Yeah. What would you say, just somebody sitting on the fence, "I don't know if I want to do this. I don't know if it's worth it. I don't know if it's worth coming in
Jenna:
Person." I would say if you want to save your marriage, you need to come here and if you can't do it in person, then definitely do it by the internet, but you need to be here. We spent far too much money and far too much time in other areas trying to get help that has in many ways hurt us. Yes.
Myles:
I would say that you could go down that road of seeing therapists and marriage counselors, but until you get connected, and if you're on the fence, you need to know, or at least my experience has been, that this program is comprehensive. It covers not only just your marriage, it talks about your marriage, it talks about trauma, talks about the infidelity, but in a way that if you're the betrayer, you get a sense and you get a feeling that Brad and his team are connected to that in a way that they identify or able to allow you to see yourself and understand, "Oh, that's why I act this way," or, "That's why I've been doing this. " But I get it now. I understand. And my spouse sees that too. So if you're on the fence, that's not something you get in marriage therapy, at least we hadn't.
We talked about our marriage, we talked about communication, but to get to the emotional trauma and what we've been dealing with through infidelity is a whole different-
““It was the first time that I felt understood. And the way you conveyed the information to my husband made me feel that he understood.””
Jenna:
Yeah, specifically situation. That's the lack out there is that if you don't have a specialist in that area, you're not going to get very bad.
Myles:
Yeah. I kind of think of it like if you go to your primary care doctor and they talk about something in your stomach, they refer you to a specialist and it is ... This is a specialist program. It's where you go for these types of issues.
Jenna:
Yeah. And I'd say if there's no hope, this is the hope.
Myles:
Yep. If you're sitting there with no hope, this is where you can come and get some hope and real hope, not just very chaotic.
Jenna:
Yeah, not just for the conference. You can go home and actually apply all of this.
Myles:
Because you're left with materials to take with you and you're left with a plan. And that plan is comprehensive and it includes, they don't just leave you to go do what you want. They actually plug you in to activities, programs, and part of the program is ... To
Jenna:
Further your
Myles:
Healing. To further your healing. Yeah. Yeah. So it not only impacts you, your wife, your family, but your legacy. You can rewrite your legacy for the rest of your life. It doesn't have to end this way. It doesn't have to be this way. And that's what I'm walking away with today, that we can go forward, rewrite the script, if you will. And the silver lining is, believe it or not, I feel stronger, closer, and more connected to my wife than I have in 33 years on this very day at the end of this program.
Brad:
Wow.
Myles:
I have never had that much depth in our conversation. And there's things I've said that I've wanted to say or didn't know how to say, didn't know really what it was, but I've been able to uncover all that. Wow.
Brad:
Thank you guys. I appreciate you. Thank you.
