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I Just Found Out My Spouse Cheated, Now What?

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I Just Found Out My Spouse Cheated, Now What?

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If you just found out your spouse cheated on you, you may be wondering what do I do? If, so, if you're asking a question like that, I'm really sorry that you're in that place. That is a terrible place to be. I've had clients in the past, tell me they would rather go back to Iraq again, get shot at I've had clients tell me that they would rather find out they have cancer again and find out their spouse had cheated on them. And so you, so I'm really sorry you're in that spot. It's a very devastating place to be in. It is a nightmare scenario. So I'm really sorry if you're in the spot where your spouse is cheating on you, and you're wondering, what should I do? And I want to give you three pieces of advice…

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Why did you cheat on me? It’s one of the few questions that matter

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That is the number one question I hear most often repeated from the person who has been betrayed. Sometimes the wayward partner is even asking that question., “Why did I cheat?”

I have a very distinct memory the first time I saw a couple in this situation because it really stands out in my mind. The husband had been betrayed and he was ready to file divorce papers. He was animated and upset, he had no peace. He wasn’t sleeping, not really eating, and had lost all joy in life.

To make matters worse…

The Time Brad was Betrayed….

Have you found yourself avoiding certain things you once enjoyed, because of triggers that cause you to relive trauma? I know I did.

Maybe you take a different way home from work, that’s a few minutes longer? I did that one too.

Maybe you don’t watch certain tv shows or movies or listen to certain songs, because they are triggering? I’m guilty of that one too.

Maybe you’ve found yourself avoiding connecting and letting yourself feel happy, because feeling happy has turned into a trigger too? Unfortunately that was me as well.

My trust was destroyed in an instant, but I didn’t quit loving her in an instant. So I had an internal battle inside of me I just didn’t know what to do with.


I would’ve tried to make it work with the person who betrayed me. But the moment I found out about the betrayal is also the moment I found out we were done. Reconciliation wasn’t possible. She was moving on.

How have you managed those triggers?

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How Do I Talk To My Spouse About Getting Help For Our Relationship?

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How Do I Talk To My Spouse About Getting Help For Our Relationship?

What do you do when your house is on fire?

Do you sit around and hope that the flames go out on their own? No! Of course not!

You probably would call 911 and run into the flames to save everything you can of the life you’ve known and care about.

You would especially run into the flames if the one you love is trapped inside.

Dealing with infidelity in your marriage is very similar. And yet so many people sit on their hands and hide, hoping that everything around them somehow resolves on its own.

But this is silly, right? Massive destruction doesn’t disappear on its own…

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