What do you do when your house is on fire?
Do you sit around and hope that the flames go out on their own? No! Of course not!
You probably would call 911 and run into the flames to save everything you can of the life you’ve known and care about.
You would especially run into the flames if the one you love is trapped inside.
Dealing with infidelity in your marriage is very similar. And yet so many people sit on their hands and hide, hoping that everything around them somehow resolves on its own.
But this is silly, right? Massive destruction doesn’t disappear on its own. Even if you decide to end it all and start anew, your heart and mind won’t be the same. Healing must occur.
So you might be thinking….I know this. But how do I convince my partner?
Here are a few things you can do and say when you discuss working on healing broken trust with your spouse or partner.
Remember the Goal
The goal for this program remains the same: to help you heal broken trust and trauma in your relationship so you leave a beautiful family legacy and live the life you’ve always imagined.
But we can’t twist someone’s arm or manipulate them into doing anything.
If that were the goal then nothing good would come of it. People would be even more hurt.
So when you present the idea of working on the relationship to your partner present it with the goal of loving them….no matter where they’re at on their journey.
This can be harder than it sounds especially when your partner has hurt you so deeply.
You could say, “I care about you and I care about us. So I found this program that will really help us.”
If you want more to say then consider downloading our guide to talking with your spouse above on this page.
Consider Their Perspective
Sometimes, okay most of the time, people feel defensive if they think you are trying to “change” them or “fix” them like they’re messed up and somehow flawed.
They may have a different fear. They may fear that things won’t get better. Or they are too far gone. Or nothing will get better and all is hopeless.
Sometimes they fear that they will be labeled the problem in the relationship.
Ask how they’re feeling and then address the fear.
Pro tip: Don’t call it “fear”. Sometimes people will buck at the word “fear”. It feels like they’re admitting to some kind of weakness. So choose a different word like “concern” or “stress”.
When you address the stress you might say, “I realize we’re not as happy as we used to be and I want to do what I can to help us…or make this better…or heal…or be happy again.”
Or you could say, “I really feel like this will help us heal. This would really help us put this behind us.”
Another way that you could remove the stress is getting as much information as you can HERE.
Own What’s Yours
This is probably the hardest part of this whole thing because the hurts run so deep. Do your best to own what’s yours.
No one is perfect. Acknowledging your part in the relationship will help bring down their defenses.
Maybe you could say something like, “I know I have been working a lot and haven’t been available to you in a long time. I want things to be different.”
This can be hard. Baby steps.
Clarify Intentions
It’s important to help partners understand that they will be included in the process but not singled out.
The last thing anyone wants to feel is that they will be made out to be the problem and if they would just “fix themselves” the problems would be solved.
You might be thinking right about now…”what!? They were the one who had the affair! They need to fix some things for sure.”
Or “They should be over this already it’s been x amount of time.”
The relationship is comprised of two people with perspectives and needs. It’s important to communicate that both partners need to be heard.
You might say, “We’re in this together and I want to do this with you because I love you”….or “we’ve been together for so long I would hate to throw away what we have”.
“I intend on doing what I can to make this right. I care about us and want to make it right no matter what you chose in the end.”
Take Some Pressure Off
This can be the hardest part especially if you’ve been hurt.
But it’s important to communicate that “even if we do this program and you choose not to stay with me I will respect your decision and know that we gave it all we had.”
Don’t beg. Don’t plead. It will give them the space they need to respect you too.
A way to take the pressure off yourself is to simply have your partner schedule a time to speak with our office about the program. That way they can ask all their questions directly to us.
How To Put The Fire Out
Infidelity is like a house fire that needs to be put out. Sitting and waiting for it to go away will cause more devastation.
Just like you must do what is necessary to stop the burn. You need the right program to heal broken trust.
If you’re ready to experience incredible transformation, healing, and peace in your marriage…
Get a personalized game plan for healing broken trust in your relationship.
Learn more about The Complete Healing Broken Trust Program HERE.
