In this article we explore how we often rewrite our stories when things are bad…
Brad and I went out on a date night over the weekend and we were so excited to try out this new restaurant.
Date night is hard to come by these days because we have three small kids. It was exciting to be out together sans kids. I got dressed up in my one snot-free pretty shirt and I even broke out the high heels.
(Our three year old calls them my “chanclas” which is technically Spanish for flip-flops and not heels but who wants to correct something so cute?)
We went to a fancy French restaurant. We ordered our main course and dessert at the same time…juuuust in case since we had to be back by 9:30 to get the kids.
…but then 8:20 came and went…8:30…then 8:40…we wondered where the food was.
Then the manager came up to us apologizing because the waiter had forgotten to input our order into the computer.
By this time we wouldn’t have enough time to eat before getting the kids.
We were able to take it in stride. No problem. No stress. We had enjoyed each other’s company and the staff was so apologetic they gave us a gift certificate and the appetizer was free.
The moral: how we feel about our spouse and the relationship greatly impacts the story we tell about our marriage as a whole.
Here is what that same scenario would have looked like if Brad and I were experiencing problems in our relationship…
Brad and I went out on a date night over the weekend and we were so nervous to try and actually have a conversation.
Date night is hard to come by these days because we have three small kids and we can’t seem to stop arguing or avoiding what’s been going on.
It was kind of stressful to be out together sans kids. Kids are sometimes a welcome distraction from our problems.
I got dressed up in my one snot-free pretty shirt (because taking care of myself right now feels like so much effort) and forget about the high heels. I’m tired.
(Our three year old calls them my “chanclas” which is technically Spanish for flip-flops and not heels but who wants to correct something so cute?) I can’t remember when I slowed down long enough to enjoy my children.
We went to an expensive French restaurant. We ordered our main course and dessert at the same time…juuuust in case since we had to be back by 9:30 to get the kids.
…but then 8:20 came and went…8:30…then 8:40…we wondered where the food was.
Then the manager came up to us apologizing because the waiter had forgotten to input our order into the computer!
By this time we wouldn’t have enough time to eat before getting the kids.
We looked frustrated at each other. They gave us a gift certificate but I left hungry and irritable. I have no idea what my spouse was thinking.
Can you relate to this at all? The first version and the second version sound very different don’t they?
We paint the picture of past, present, and future with our present pain.
We can’t enjoy what’s around us. We can’t be a good friend to anyone. We can’t find happiness and joy anymore because we’re so stuck in our depression.
It’s tempting to paint a negative picture of our relationship saying, “it’s always been this way”. Usually because it’s hard to remember when times were good.
How Do We Repair Our Marriage So It’s Better Than Before the Affair?
Just ask Brad Robinson, LMFT. Brad is a marriage therapist who has worked with couples and families for more than 16 years, and has personally experienced betrayal in past relationships:
"I wanted to become the marriage counselor I wish my parents had after they completely lost hope after my dad was unfaithful. I knew that what led my dad to stray could become a generational problem and I had to stop that. When I discovered what couples really need when healing broken trust I knew I had to share it with as many people as possible.”
Brad collaborated with his wife Morgan to create The Healing Broken Trust WorkshopTM, a specialized program that guides you through the chaos of healing individually and as a couple after infidelity has been discovered.
Listen to the personal stories shared throughout this program and you will realize that you are not alone. The HBT Workshop helps you:
Create fail-proof strategies with easy-to-use workbook
Prepare for painful triggers with your spouse
Work effectively to end the affair(s) and heal once and for all
Develop realistic hopes and expectations for your relationship using Brad’s exclusive methods
...and more.
The HBT Workshop is just one of our award-winning couples programs included with The Complete Healing Broken Trust Package.
THE COMPLETE HEALING BROKEN TRUST PACKAGE
One low price gets you full online access to ALL of the following programs:
The Healing Communication Master Class
The Strong One’s Master Class
90 Days to Affair Recovery Plan
Two Partners, One Path Support Group
Healing Hurts Lifeline Sessions with Brad
Healing Hurts Quick Start Guide
Get your online access today for only $2,500, a fraction of the cost of divorce.
Add a 1-on-1 session with Brad at checkout and schedule your first coaching phone call today.
Reviews
★★★★★
Best time in our marriage - Deb S
“Finally we’re on the right path. We were so lost and didn’t think we would make it much longer. I was really worried that this was going to be a replay of the podcast or material we’ve already heard. It was far far from that! I learned so much about my spouse during the workshop. I was afraid he would ask for a divorce. But instead he took my hand and told me what was really on his heart. I am so glad that we decided to come to the workshop and now we have a roadmap to follow and realistic homework for when we get home.”
★★★★★
I finally understand my partner’s struggles - Liz
"It is very isolating trying to keep our problems to ourselves and away from prying family and “friends”. When you’re at home you hear your spouse tell you things. They tell you what they want but you just don’t hear it. It helps a lot to hear from other couples and people who are in similar situations. I can understand my spouse so much better now just listening to other people’s situations. I also don’t feel so alone. I finally feel like we have hope.”
★★★★★
Thank you for my life back - Allie
"I have been trying different books and programs for our relationship for over 14 months now and I wish we had just started here from the beginning. We spent so much on marriage counseling that didn’t make a lick of difference. In fact, I spent more on useless junk than on this program. Brad really understands how to help couples heal and I feel like we finally have hope for our future. Thank you Brad and Morgan for our life back!”
★★★★★
The future is bright - James R.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! After I learned how to deal with the underlying problems Brad walks us through in the workshop I no longer had issues with the triggers I had before. My wife can look at her phone without me loosing my crap.”
★★★★★
Not an AA meeting - Stella
"I was so worried this was going to be a ‘roast the betrayer’ type situation. It wasn’t anything like that. Brad is so gentle and caring in his approach. We both felt cared about and heard through the entire workshop. I never felt rushed or pushed into sharing anything I didn’t want to share. I never felt put on the spot or shamed in any way. He walked us through the difficult conversations and we truly feel the best we’ve ever felt. We are truly grateful!”
★★★★★
We had to do it together - C.H.
"My husband is a sex addict and I thought addiction counseling was really what we needed to move past the hurt. Kind of the old thought “if he fixes his issues we’ll be fixed and can move on”. But it turned out he can’t fix us…WE have to fix us. Yes, he needs addiction help but once the dust settled the hurts and old injuries bubbled to the surface. I am so glad we decided to do this program in addition to addiction counseling. It made all the difference in our relationship.”
★★★★★
Understanding why was big - George
“I learned so many new things at this workshop. I learned why my wife did what she did. We were able to come away with clear direction and that gives me hope.”
