(00:01):
Hi, I'm Brad Robinson, licensed marriage and family therapist with Healing Broken Trust. Today I want to talk to you about the single greatest predictor of healing from an affair. So what helps people heal after an affair more than anything else is really simple. It's when the unfaithful partner can show that they are choosing their marriage and their spouse above themselves. You're not just staying together. You're not just saying you're sorry, you're not just letting time pass. They understand that healing starts when the hurt partner, the betrayed partner, begins to feel over and over again and they begin to think, "You know what? You're here for me now. Then you are choosing yourself and choosing your fair partner and maybe even your addiction. Now you're choosing me. You are here for me now." That means that when the betrayed is triggered, the unfaithful partner doesn't shut down.
(00:51):
That means that when they ask questions, we don't get defensive. That when they're hurting, we stay present. When an affair happens, they create fear, they create confusion, they create emotional instability. So healing is not just about getting the facts straight. But it is about becoming a safe place again. It's that safety that's built through small moments of honesty, empathy, and consistency. That's when trust starts to grow back. Trust starts to grow back when the betrayed partner begins to feel like they can risk trusting again. So healing is not just the big moment, like a big apology or an intense moment where there's a lot of emotion or even real sincerity. It's really often in the small moments. A common mistake that people will make is they think that to heal and for healing to happen, they have to have some deep talk or a meaningful apology.
(01:46):
But most healing happens in the small daily moments. It happens when the heart partner is upset and we respond gently. It happens when we tell the truth. It happens when we choose openness instead of hiding. And it happens when we can answer the question that we're doing this consistently because the question that oftentimes people have who are betrayed is not did you just say the right thing once. The real question for them who've been betrayed is, "Do I feel safer with you now than I did before?" That's really key. Healing begins when the hurt partner can repeatedly feel, "You are here for me now." That's what rebuilds trust, not doing it once, but being consistent over time. Another mistake that people will make is to assume that time will heal betrayal. People say time heals all wounds, but after betrayal, it's usually not true in and of itself.
(02:39):
Time can pass and their hurt can still feel raw if their relationship still feels unsafe. What actually helps is when emotional safety starts coming back. When the hurt partner feels seen, heard and cared for. When their pain is not minimized and when their triggers are met with compassion instead of frustration. Healing begins when they can say to themselves and really genuinely believe, "You are here for me now. You're choosing me now. Then, yes, you were choosing yourself in your affair, but now I know you're choosing me. " That's what lowers our fear and that's what makes trust possible again. So no, time doesn't heal alone. It's what you do with the time. If you've enjoyed this, please likes, please subscribe. I'll see you next time. I'm Brad Robinson with Healing Broken Trust. If you want to come to any of our workshops, I'd love to have you, love to see you there, love to help you.
(03:32):
Thank you.
