A person gets caught in an affair. They see the devastation it wreaks on their spouse—the betrayed partner—and, wracked with guilt, they make a solemn vow. They promise themselves, often in a moment of raw honesty, “Never again.” It feels earnest, weighty, even unbreakable. But is a vow enough to prevent them from straying again?
In the negative cycle we each play a part in perpetuating and maintaining it. When we encounter our feelings the action tendencies we decide to take are how we maintain the cycle. So when I said that we feel hurt (primary), so we show anger (secondary), then we DO SOMETHING to try and take care of it, solve it, and bring ourselves and our relationship back to homeostasis. This is the part we play. There are four types of interactions within the cycle or four ‘parts’.
