In the negative cycle we each play a part in perpetuating and maintaining it. When we encounter our feelings the action tendencies we decide to take are how we maintain the cycle. So when I said that we feel hurt (primary), so we show anger (secondary), then we DO SOMETHING to try and take care of it, solve it, and bring ourselves and our relationship back to homeostasis. This is the part we play. There are four types of interactions within the cycle or four ‘parts’.
Ep 9: 6 Ground Rules for Discussing Infidelity
Ep 16: How to work through anger and talk about the affair without pushing each other away?
Ep 22: "If You Cheat On Me I’ll Leave You” And Other Things People Say That Challenge the Conversation
Ep 26: Why Do They Lie?
Ep 30: 2 Communication Sins To Avoid
Ep 34: When the Affair Becomes Public
Ep 35: Why Does The Betrayer Become So Defensive?
Yeah, everybody knows that when you get betrayed, there's a deep traumatic pain associated with that. But people don't really realize what it's like to be Benedict Arnold, what it's like to be a traitor. To betray your spouse. People don't really realize just what kind of shame and pain the one who's unfaithful carries with them…