In episode 76 Brad and Morgan discuss a new way to look at negative cycles.
If you haven’t yet listened to episode 3 called “Why Do We Fight and Avoid Difficult Topics” that episode will help you understand negative cycles.
You can check that out HERE: https://healingbrokentrust.com/podcast-blog/ep-3-why-do-we-fight-or-avoid-talking-about-the-affair
In the negative cycle we each play a part in perpetuating and maintaining it. When we encounter our feelings the action tendencies we decide to take are how we maintain the cycle. So when I said that we feel hurt (primary), so we show anger (secondary), then we DO SOMETHING to try and take care of it, solve it, and bring ourselves and our relationship back to homeostasis. This is the part we play. There are four types of interactions within the cycle or four ‘parts’.
We call it in therapy speak re-escalation. Reverting back to old patterns, so three tips for re-escalation. The first thing I want to do is start with a definition of this re-escalation and talk a little bit more about that. What to do when you think you're doing well and then all of sudden it gets bad again. Re-escalation is when you've make progress and then all of a sudden you revert back to old patterns and habits. This can be so discouraging because you either went to marriage counseling a got a lot of help, you got a lot out of it and felt like you were completely healed and you're like yes, this is great and you came away thinking, wow, we've gotten through this and then something happens and you've fallen backwards.
