I can love you and hate you at the same time.
Just because I haven’t forgiven you yet, doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
Don’t give up on me.
I feel alone anytime I’m triggered and you’re not there.
I need reassurance in a lot of little and big ways.
I hope you don’t stop helping me heal.
I can see the good work you’re doing, but I’m scared to be close to you, and I think I might actually push you away unintentionally because I’m scared to get hurt more than I already have.
Part of my process of forgiving you is testing you. I want to see how committed you really are to me. Another part of my process of forgiving you is having extremely direct conversation about what I need and expect of you if we are to proceed to move forward, and another part of my forgiveness process is keeping my distance from you.
I’ve never felt such intense pain from anything. I’ve had big losses in life but those were all easier than this betrayal.
I’m not yet entirely sure you won’t do this again.
You’re the person I’d turn to in any other crisis in life. But this is a crisis you created. I’m not entirely sure how to turn to you or even if you want to be there for me.
I realize this affair may be in the past for you, but this is something I’ve just discovered or is recent for me. It’s going to take me a long time to feel like I have peace with this.
I feel like I’m going crazy. Every little thing now can make me cry instantly or get angry really quick. I have no control over my emotions.
True joy and happiness have been stolen from my life
I feel empty and numb. I’m worried if I’ll ever feel connected to you or anyone else again.
I worry you’re only here because of the kids, money, or what people will say.
I’m worried that your recent good behavior won’t last and you’ll betray me again. Maybe not in 6 months or a year but 5 years from now.
I know I drive you crazy asking questions about what’s happened but I really do need to know why you did what you did. When you’re patient and answer my questions I have hope we’re going to get through this. But when I sense I’m being lied to again it feels like you’re keeping secrets with your affair partner. I need you to be honest with me so I know what I’m getting myself back into.
I won’t like the answers to the questions I’m asking of you but I can tolerate the answers much more than you give me credit for.
I’m never listening to you over my gut again. If my gut tells me you’re lying, but you say you’re being honest, I’m siding with my gut.
I feel partially to blame for this happening to me. I think if I were a better spouse, or companion, or listener, or more supportive, or did more things you were in interested in, this wouldn’t have happened.
Not only haven’t I forgiven you for this happening, I haven’t forgiven myself yet.
I know I didn’t make you cheat on me. But I really struggle with feeling like if I were better you wouldn’t have done this.
So how do we talk about these difficult things with each other?
Just ask Brad Robinson, LMFT. Brad is a marriage therapist who has worked with couples and families for more than 16 years, and has personally experienced betrayal in past relationships:
"I wanted to become the marriage counselor I wish my parents had after they completely lost hope after my dad was unfaithful. I knew that what led my dad to stray could become a generational problem and I had to stop that. When I discovered what couples really need when healing broken trust I knew I had to share it with as many people as possible.”
Brad collaborated with his wife Morgan to create The Healing Broken Trust WorkshopTM, a specialized program that guides you through the chaos of healing individually and as a couple after infidelity has been discovered.
Listen to the personal stories shared throughout this program and you will realize that you are not alone. The HBT Workshop helps you:
Create fail-proof strategies with easy-to-use workbook
Prepare for painful triggers with your spouse
Work effectively to end the affair(s) and heal once and for all
Develop realistic hopes and expectations for your relationship using Brad’s exclusive methods
...and more.
The HBT Workshop is just one of our award-winning couples programs included with The Complete Healing Broken Trust Package.
THE COMPLETE HEALING BROKEN TRUST PACKAGE
One low price gets you full online access to ALL of the following programs:
The Healing Communication Master Class
The Strong One’s Master Class
90 Days to Affair Recovery Plan
Two Partners, One Path Support Group
Healing Hurts Lifeline Sessions with Brad
Healing Hurts Quick Start Guide
Get your online access today for a fraction of the cost of divorce.
Add a 1-on-1 session with Brad at checkout and schedule your first coaching phone call today.
Reviews
★★★★★
Best time in our marriage - Deb S
“Finally we’re on the right path. We were so lost and didn’t think we would make it much longer. I was really worried that this was going to be a replay of the podcast or material we’ve already heard. It was far far from that! I learned so much about my spouse during the workshop. I was afraid he would ask for a divorce. But instead he took my hand and told me what was really on his heart. I am so glad that we decided to come to the workshop and now we have a roadmap to follow and realistic homework for when we get home.”
★★★★★
I finally understand my partner’s struggles - Liz
"It is very isolating trying to keep our problems to ourselves and away from prying family and “friends”. When you’re at home you hear your spouse tell you things. They tell you what they want but you just don’t hear it. It helps a lot to hear from other couples and people who are in similar situations. I can understand my spouse so much better now just listening to other people’s situations. I also don’t feel so alone. I finally feel like we have hope.”
★★★★★
Thank you for my life back - Allie
"I have been trying different books and programs for our relationship for over 14 months now and I wish we had just started here from the beginning. We spent so much on marriage counseling that didn’t make a lick of difference. In fact, I spent more on useless junk than on this program. Brad really understands how to help couples heal and I feel like we finally have hope for our future. Thank you Brad and Morgan for our life back!”
★★★★★
The future is bright - James R.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! After I learned how to deal with the underlying problems Brad walks us through in the workshop I no longer had issues with the triggers I had before. My wife can look at her phone without me loosing my crap.”
★★★★★
Not an AA meeting - Stella
"I was so worried this was going to be a ‘roast the betrayer’ type situation. It wasn’t anything like that. Brad is so gentle and caring in his approach. We both felt cared about and heard through the entire workshop. I never felt rushed or pushed into sharing anything I didn’t want to share. I never felt put on the spot or shamed in any way. He walked us through the difficult conversations and we truly feel the best we’ve ever felt. We are truly grateful!”
★★★★★
We had to do it together - C.H.
"My husband is a sex addict and I thought addiction counseling was really what we needed to move past the hurt. Kind of the old thought “if he fixes his issues we’ll be fixed and can move on”. But it turned out he can’t fix us…WE have to fix us. Yes, he needs addiction help but once the dust settled the hurts and old injuries bubbled to the surface. I am so glad we decided to do this program in addition to addiction counseling. It made all the difference in our relationship.”
★★★★★
Understanding why was big - George
“I learned so many new things at this workshop. I learned why my wife did what she did. We were able to come away with clear direction and that gives me hope.”
