Healing after betrayal can feel impossible when couples get stuck in the a negative cycle, where the hurt partner keeps emphasizing how painful and damaging the betrayal was, while the one who caused harm defends themselves through minimizing behaviors like “It wasn’t that serious,” “I had a reason,” or “You’re overreacting.”
Research shows that perpetrators often downplay harm, while victims naturally focus on the impact—but in strong romantic relationships, victims aren’t always “maximizing” as much as we assume; instead, the biggest problem is often the Distancer’s minimizing, which blocks safety and creates a second injury….
